Something strange is going on with Russian women. Suddenly theyґve stopped wanting to marry foreigners
According to the SuperJob website, only 7% would still agree to marry a non-native, 12% are undecided, and the rest are adamantly against any such arrangement. The general consensus was summed up by the respondent who wrote: "Russian men may be coarser, but theyґre our own."
This is especially strange since only recently a "foreign prince" was the man of most womenґs dreams in the former Soviet Union (90%). And this wasnґt just a dream. It was much more: an emergency landing strip, a potential ticket to a happy family life. In other words, the average Russian woman between the ages of 18 and 65 firmly believed in her heart of hearts that her life with all its unresolved problems (drunken husband, tyrannical boss, lack of money) would magically change when He appeared: generous, kind, solicitous, with the face of Richard Gere or Kevin Kostner. (In the early 1990s the picture of the Western prince was based on box-office hits like "Pretty Woman" and "Bodyguard".)
Why Russian women felt so sure of this is another question. After the "iron curtain" came down, in addition to the chance to partake of the boons of Western civilization, Russian women received yet another substantial bonus. They suddenly discovered that they were considered practically the most beautiful women in the world. Whether thatґs the case or not is hard to say. Research studies have not been done. But this is an instance when a sincere belief was all that was needed.
Of course, this legend did not come from out of nowhere. Probably the few women who were allowed to travel outside the USSR were indeed very attractive (I wouldnґt be surprised if the decision was taken at the very top since this was a matter of national prestige): dancers from the Moiseyev Ensemble, ballerinas from the Bolshoi Theater, to say nothing of the Soviet movie actresses who shone at the Cannes and Venice Film Festivals. The reflected beauty of these ravishing representatives of the USSR was miraculously projected onto all of their female compatriots. Itґs hardly surprising that many of them wanted to take advantage of this. In the early 1990s only the laziest Russian women were not engaged in efforts to plight their troth to a foreigner. The only surprising thing is that the entire female population did not emigrate during those first heady years of freedom (they were probably too lazy). Happy stories of Soviet Cinderellas meeting their foreign princes circulated by word of mouth while marriage agencies popped up in just about every sizeable city. Meanwhile, the vital statistics (age, appearance) of these "Cinderellas" played no role in their fate. Everyone had a chance.
How the fairytale played out in reality emerged much later - with the mass distribution made possible by the Internet. It turned out that these foreign princes often had little in common with that grand title and did not necessarily own a luxury villa and yacht as their brides imagined. And the move to a Western country was not necessarily paradise. At one point the Russian press was fairly teeming with hair-raising stories of Russian-foreign unions, some with fatal ends. Today the spotlight is on Russian women who have returned to Russia with the children of their foreign husbands, in violation of court rulings abroad. And the foreign fathers who have then kidnapped these children and spirited them out of Russia.
Psychologists versed in the subject are convinced that 80% of these marriages break down. This happens for one reason: the husbands and their wives want different things. Russian women, of course, love flowers, poems and the romantic like. But some are highly practical. (On my way to work the other day, the car in front of me was sporting an amusing bumper sticker: IґLL MARRY YOU FOR AS LONG AS THE CRISIS LASTS. Every joke, as they say, contains a grain of truth.) In the difficult `90s many women did not hide that fact that for them a foreign husband was just a "means of transportation". They would move to a prosperous country and then think what to do next. This is what led the young beauty with the conservative education to marry an aging car mechanic. Car mechanics are entitled to happiness too, of course, but in the ordinary scheme of things these two people would never have come together.
Meanwhile, the foreign grooms, worn out by their emancipated countrywomen, hoped to find in their Russian brides a European version of the Filipino: submissive, accommodating, and eternally grateful to her husband for rescuing her from the "lower depths". Only a very naïve person with no idea of what he was getting himself into could expect a Russian woman to be submissive and accommodating. No, a Russian woman can be submissive if she needs something from a man - for instance, to get him to marry her. But once the happy event has taken place, her priorities will change. Thereґs an anecdote that illustrates this situation perfectly: a woman visits a man for the first time, they spend a lyrical night together, and when they wake up she says: "Now, weґll put the couch over there."
Strangely enough, many foreign men who have been burned by their Russian wives do not give up hope and return to the sites that can help them meet another Russian bride. Evidently, they donґt get enough of an adrenaline rush from their day-to-day lives at home. For men like that we have good news. Roughly 25% of Russian women dream of finding happiness with a foreigner. True, all of these women are "aged 55 and up". But since when is age a hindrance to real happiness?
Comments:
willy:
I love the culture of the Ukraine I have not been I want to go.I stared to learn Russian and have learned about 2% so far .Its the coolest language.The idea of opening my mind to another culture and a way of life thats fun. Meeting a cool not to mention hot Russian women for marriage what could be better.Its all marriage fraud that screws everything up What are my chances that she will claim abuse and have me arrested to get a green card .I here its a well know fact in Kiev .All Russian girls know knows this.So I am not sure if its a good idea or not sad to say I really wanted to meet a Russian women I like them .I am a good looking charming fun guy who will pay for a ladies food drinks and trips .Its a big risk I read about on the u.s. immigration website it happens a lot .The western man has no rights if she accuses him.And they will provoke it .Its there any happy marriages to Russian women out there ?
03-07-2010
Yulya:
Honestly, i prefer western men. Do you want to know why? Because most of Russian men don't know or don't want to have a pleasure of life. They are totally boring. They prefer to buy a new cell phone or laptop for themself instead of going abroad, meeting new people.
But i have to admit an important Russian men advantage. They are more gentlemen, they pay for a girl at the restaurant and so on.. It is still seems ridiculous for me when guy do not pay.. This is a difference between Russian men and foreigners.
02-25-2010
Mark:
I married my Russian wife in 2002, and couldn't be happier with my choice or my good fortune. While it is absolutely true that many marriages turn out to be disasters and some do indeed have fatal consequences, you never really know anyone until you live with them day in, day out - and you can be vastly mistaken no matter where or with whom you choose to live.
The thrust of both your arguments is supported only by opinion rather than research, but the first argument (that foreign marriages are sometimes predicated on Hollywood dreams of what Western countries are like) is close to accurate. I would ALWAYS encourage a visit first, because moving to another country is a monumental decision that is not easily undone). The second argument, that Western men are searching for a woman who will defer submissively to her husband in all things, is nonsense.
Western men appreciate Russian women not only for their beauty (and it is spectacular), but for their common sense, their ability to run a home efficiently, their generally-excellent education that will allow them to secure decent employment and contribute to the household's economic goals after the children are grown and gone, and their general lack of materialism. Most of the Russian women I know seemed just as happy to go for a walk in the park with the family as they would be to be taken out at great expense, and seemed generally easy to please compared with Western women.
Marriages in which one or both partners has grossly misjudged the other typically do not last long, but that's a fact no matter where you live.
02-03-2010
Bob:
I usually don't respond to articles, but this one has some information that is way off base from reality.
This 80% declaration is garbage...
There is no data to support it.
I travel all over the world and spend a huge amount of time in Russia.
And believe me, the desire for foreign men is no less than 10 years ago.
However...a majority of these fine women are sincere and they ARE NOT desperate to leave their country and be SAVED by a foreign man.
They love their country and family.
They are fine women who will go with their man if they love him.
Please do not make all these women out to be Gold diggers!
Yes, some men have been burned but after looking at the facts, you can see that they were stupid to be taken in by these womens (and men who pose as women) scams and sweet talk.
And so, the bad mouthing about them.
Yes there are "sharks" that try to get a foreign man...but they are the exception from what I've seen there. And believe me...in my position, there are many whom would consider me a catch.
I was very careful and these women soon disappear.
So most of these guys who were burned, were asking for it by not keeping their common sense.
So...The idea that women are not interested still in a foreign guy is false.
Just learn a little Russian and go to any University and you'll see.
they are intelligent, of all ages (not just older as stated above)and lovely.
Best regards to all!
01-05-2010
Krapotkin:
Good story!
My experience with this situation, encountered in our local Russian Orthodox Church, where the ex-Soviet girls were coming for help, following hardships with their marriage,and relations with in-laws,and being marooned in the "fly over country" (derevne), etc...!
Many such cases since the 90's, less now!
10-08-2009
Boris:
A good story. I think the spectrum is wide enough to have both extreme cases of complete happiness and somewhat abusing situations (on both Russian and American parts). But the main thing is true: a real improvement of life in Russia makes Russian girls to stay home.
10-06-2009
Yulia:
I am single, 28 y.o. lived abroad for many years and speak several languages. Now living in Moscow. As here are so many women around I do consider sharing my life with a foreign man. after being astonished with that 80% divorced rate that was somehow calculated should I look for a foreign man or not...
To be or not to be... honestly some Russian men really strike me not in a positive way
09-23-2009
Warren:
This article has to be the most lopsided and over-stretching of the facts that I have ever read. I have been married to a very accomplished Russian women for over 10 years and know dozen of other Russian women and their husbands. Yes. some of what you say may be true, but don't over hype your facts for the benefit of you story line.
Yes, in the 90s, most Russian women probably left for economics and the lack of opportunity to find a decent Russian man, for which there were few at the time. Since there were more Russian women then men (and the Russian men knew it) what choice did they have.
Today, the Russian women probably has more economic opportunities and freedoms then the women of the 90s. So, she may be less likely to want to leave her own country which I know was hard for my wife.
Anyway, you story line was just way to over blown!
09-20-2009
Natalia:
I came to the US from Russia to get my master's degree, and, after my graduation I applied for a job here in US. I had no intentions of marrying an American, but it so happened that I met my now husband at work. He is 5 years younger than I am, so at first I was hesitant about "robbing the cradle". However, I couldn't help falling in love with him. He is the most amazing man I've ever met. He is kind, understanding, patient, caring and loving. No offense to Russian men, but I would never be as happy and fulfilled with a Russian husband.
On another note, I did feel awkward at first here that I my man companions would not pay for a lunch or dinner, that seemed rude haha. And I have American girlfriends here who are feminists, I respect their opinion on life and man-woman relationship, but, honestly, I cannot get it. Best regards.
09-14-2009
Frank:
I have been married to an American woman (now divorced - happily!), and have dated, met Russian women. On the most part, the Russian women were "more woman" - the American woman tries to be a man, and the male in America has become feminanized in the process! Not good for either gender. The Russian women, I think are, in the majority, better looking, take better care of themselves - and have their PRIORITIES (family, love, life) straight; unlike American women, who are interested only in material things and the "bottom line." But, one major drawback I have found among Russian women (the only one though), is the level of alcohol consumption - almost a "Russian epidemic." Otherwise, I would never marry another American woman - a Russian woman, certainly.
09-11-2009
Lena:
Unless in the 90ies, many russian men became wealthy and successful. Now many try to marry inside the country, but still rich, and able to buy expensive clothes and gifts for their girls. In the west they were most likely regarded cheap girls, or prostitutes that just care about coming to the west for living off their western husbands. Of course not all russian women who went abroad had these intentions. As far as I observed (in shops and from friends) russian girls still like the husband or boyfriend to pay for them (clothes, gifts, holiday...) but in Russia this is considered normal. The values didn't change so much, but now they can get their "good" life in Russia.
08-28-2009
James:
I am happily married for 5 years to my Russian wife. My secrete was I am only a few years older than my wife and I did not have trouble attracting women here. Old, fat,poor, balding men getting a 25 year old bride does not reflect a marriage because its a shame. Its skews actual relationships. What it does do is provide opportunities to meet lots of women quickly and cut out some of the games. We were both clear on what we wanted. All the marriages were the age was about the same have done very well including mine. Russian women are still human and have flaws but I would not bother to look in the US for a wife because I simply find Russian women as a whole more attractive and comfortable being a women than the gender confused American women.
08-27-2009
david:
I thought there were more women per men in Russia than in any other country? So, you conclude Russian women prefer coarser men? I think US men are looking for women who have not been corrupted by western culture. The average American women are more masculine. They wear tatoos, work out and have bigger muscles or walk like a man, talk like a man, etc.. Especially the young women, who are more sexually active and prefer drugs or a cigarette than improving themselves in life. I am not saying Russian women are better but that American women are worse. I have been to Russia 4 times. I compared Moscow to Houston or Los Angeles and there is a huge difference among the people. Moscow is like American society in the 50's or 60's. Just read Alexander Solzhenitsyn's speech to the Harvard University in America and you can get a clearer picture of the downward spiral of American society. So, if the 90's saw Russian women perfering foreign men, presently, US men are searching elsewhere in the world for a "normal" woman. Personally, I think Russia is more open to western culture and may in the future become like the America of today. I hope not for their sake.
08-25-2009
Settler:
Not forgetting communication in a foreign language.
08-24-2009
